Easter Praise (Jar)

So there's a freshman in my dorm
He probably got here at the end of August
just like the rest of his worthless class.

I try not to think about it, because
he has been the bane of my existence
ever since.

Why does he do this?
Why must he torment me so?

It's probably because of his mother;
the way she raised him,
not to mention his jealousy - about Us.

But that isn't a reason to hate someone
in fact, I am quite happy about it
(so is she)

Anyway, in spite of the fact
that he is a raving engineer
and a raging feminist

He still manages to perpetuate stereotypes
of 1. ridiculous procrastination
which he is both a master of and subject to

embracing and even encouraging it
until going to sleep at the not-so-wee hours
and dragging down all of those in his general vicinity

like an enormously dense mass with a gravitational field
even larger than... his ego's (YEAH IT'S IMPLIED you Oedipus wannabe)

and 2. absolutely nonsensical, irrational behavior among women

And this asshole projects his acoustic-guitar-playing
stream-of-consciousness-writing
come-on-seriously-stream-of-consciousness-you-must-be-kidding
iPod-touch-videogame-playing
friday-night-masturbating
oxford-english-dictionary-"o.e.d."-(kind of like QED, another acronym which no one is familiar with... you pretentious asshole)-reading, which brings me to
acronym-in-everyday-speech-using
indie-[emo hand gesture]-music-listening
your-mom-joke-slinging (WE GET IT)
broke-ass-New-Balance-wearing
sarcastic-, double-sarcastic-, triple-what-the-fuck-even-does-that-mean-sarcastic
cost-benefit-analyzing-shit-that-isn't-cost-benefit-analyzable
curse-jar-WHAT-ARE-YOU--A-70-YEAR-OLD-MAN??-utilizing

attitude

onto the rest of the world,
and expects a blow job in return.

And then the world rises to the occasion.

Happy Easter.

Bitches.