Run the Numbers

While it may be easy for one to bitch about all of their problems, it is also sefish. Thus, it is always a good idea for us to step back once in a while and ask: "what are the problems that other people have?" It is in the spirit of this selflessness that I ask the question:

"What is the deal with the gender ratio at Columbia?"

It can make it so hard to find a man (or so I've heard) - not to mention a good one. When you're at this level, most guys are either socially inept, or so full of themselves as to be intolerable. The rest of them are 'off the market' - either gay, taken, or both. What happened to high school? We were the shit in high-school. We dumped guys at the end of high school in anticipation for mature, cooler college guys. Well, that was a mistake - and for some of us, we might still be feeling the pain four years later.

Don't blame Barnard. Just don't, if for no other reason than its sheer unoriginality. Yes - were they not included in the gender ratio, you would have much fewer competitors. But if anyone has an advantage, it is the women of Colombia. The country of Colombia. Smoking hot women.

MISOGYNY ALERT!

   (mi-so-gyn-y: hatred of women) (al-ert: alarm)

But wait! I'm innocent! It's not like I suggested that they should flaunt the fact to male prospies! BUT THEY PROBABLY SHOULD, THERE WOULD BE MORE GUYS HERE! MAKE UP YOUR MINDS, DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT!

...

In related news, SEAS saw its highest percentage rate acceptance of women this year. This is important because of the underrepresentation and unfair perception of women in science. They are just as capable as men in the pursuit of truth, and no one should tell them differently. But they are still going to steal your (potential) boyfriend, especially when they share six classes.

So quit smiling, unless you are strong enough to survive without a man to slow you down - in which case we salute you. Because, really, as mentioned before, they're mostly totally useless, and the good ones, they are simply better liars than the others. They are filthy, and all of their talk about the modernization of gender relations is geared towards getting in your pants.

MISANDRY ALERT!

      (mis-and-ry: hatred of men) (al-ert: alarm)

Which leads us to

MISANTHROPY ALERT!

      (mis-an-thro-py: hatred of yeah, pretty much everybody) (al-ert: alarm)

Damnit, I was hoping to avoid that.

BITCHES!